Snow!

Though it wasn't much, we were all still able to have a snowball fight!

I Earned My Stripes!

I had this deep epiphany today. One that I'll probably forget about by tomorrow, so I'm writing it down for myself in the future.
I was sitting on the floor watching Caleb play this afternoon, and my eyes started welling up with tears thinking about how amazing he is. He's grown and transformed as a person so much within the short 16 months he's been alive. It's truly amazing. He's learned countless things since he was born. The changes he's gone through are so rapid, and so monumental.
It got me thinking about change, and how life... from birth to death is nothing but change. These changes aren't necessarily gradual, but come in spurts. Growth spurts.
So, I’m watching my beautiful Caleb. I’m marveling at his milestones, growth spurts, 4 successes on the potty, mouth full of teeth, etc... and at some point, I think to myself, “If you are so happy for this rapid change, growth and transformation in your son, then why aren’t you celebrating your own as well?” Deep. I mean, here I am, I'm a mother. This boy grew inside of me, and I'm lame enough to over-worry about about silly things like stretchmarks. It dawned on me how utterly stupid that is.
I tricked myself into believing having a baby is something I would "bounce back from". Instead of seeing it as a transformation, I just kept thinking it was a "situation" and that I would return to "normal" afterwards. I remember feeling so lucky when week 38 in my pregnancy rolled around and I was still stretchmark free. I woke up that morning, looked in the mirror before my shower, and loved that big baby belly-- there was definitely some pride in that morning. The next morning, literally, I woke up and saw something funny glistening in that same mirror. I immediately started blaming everything. The preeclampsia for making me gain weight so rapidly at the end, my genes, and I remember thinking to myself, "Why couldn't he have just come a few days early". I can't believe I was so selfish. I still am though. For the past 16 months, I've refused to look at my stomach in the mirror, and felt so horrified by those lines. Until today.
I looked at my stomach in that bathroom mirror today... with the lights on! Those things definitely weren't as horrid looking as I had remembered. So, tonight I feel invigorated with a new view on this post-pregnancy body. Heck, when you go on vacation, you bring back souvenirs... so this is just one of my souvenirs from pregnancy. My body worked hard those 39 weeks. I'm proud of that. Those marks are just a symbol of a whole transformation within me.
I earned my stripes, and for once... I'm proud of them.

An Obama nation.

Today was an important day in history. No getting around that. I was moved by the older men and women that came to bear the freezing weather to catch a glimpse of something they thought they'd never see.

Truthfully, I guess I never thought having an African-American president was out of reach. Truthfully, I don't think he's going to do things to our country that I'll agree with. Truthfully, he's my president now, so I salute him. I want him to succeed. I want him to accomplish things that will benefit Caleb and my future children. For him to do that, I need to pray for him. We all need to pray for him.

As I watched the coverage ALL day, I just kept thinking... how long will it be until all those people worshipping and praising our now president, will turn their unfulfilled hopes into curses and blame? He's only a man, and there's only so much he can do (and so much I hope he won't do) to fix things. Today is his day. He's basking in it, as he should be. Tomorrow, the hard work begins.

Pray for our president. Pray for our country.

God alone, not Barack Obama, can heal our nation.

Happy Anniversary to us

Four years ago at this time, Brian and I were speeding up Rt. 15 North to get spend a relaxing, frigid, honeymoon in the Poconos.

...through the good times and bad, in sickness and in health...

it's been a glorious 4 years.

Families never crumble in a day...

I found a video to one of my favorite songs today and had to share. The song is "Slow Fade" by Casting Crowns, from their new album Altar and the Door. It's probably the best album I've ever heard. I highly recommend everyone spend the $10 to buy it. It's worthwhile. As Mark Hall states, "This song was inspired by the spreading cancer of moral failure in the fathers of this generation. As believers, we must guard our hearts and understand that no one crashes and burns. They just slowly fade away one little compromise at a time". I'll post the lyrics underneath for those who don't know the song.

Be careful little eyes what you see~It's the second glance that ties your hands as darkness pulls the strings~Be careful little feet where you go~For it's the little feet behind you that are sure to follow~It's a slow fade when you give yourself away~It's a slow fade when black and white have turned to gray~Thoughts invade, choices are made, a price will be paid~When you give yourself away~People never crumble in a day~It's a slow fade, it's a slow fade~Be careful little ears what you hear~When flattery leads to compromise, the end is always near~Be careful little lips what you say~For empty words and promises lead broken hearts astray~It's a slow fade when you give yourself away~It's a slow fade when black and white have turned to gray ~Thoughts invade, choices are made, a price will be paid~When you give yourself away~People never crumble in a day~The journey from your mind to your hands~Is shorter than you're thinking~Be careful if you think you stand~You just might be sinking~It's a slow fade when you give yourself away~It's a slow fade when black and white have turned to gray~Thoughts invade, choices are made, a price will be paid~When you give yourself away~People never crumble in a day~Daddies never crumble in a day~Families never crumble in a day~Oh be careful little eyes what see~Oh be careful little eyes what you see~For the Father up above is looking down in love~Oh be careful little eyes what you see

A perfect Christmas

Our festivites started on Chistmas Eve. Sadly, Brian and I were both battling colds and he especially was quite miserable... hence we missed the Christmas Eve service at church. Instead, we read the children's Christmas story out of Caleb's kiddy Bible. We regrouped all day and then spent a fun evening with all the in-laws. It's a tradition in my family to open Christmas jammies before bed... and we then called it a night.

Christmas morning: I was so excited for Caleb to open his presents that I woke up at 5:45 and somehow had to stay quiet until the boys woke up. I was productive though. Showered and got breakfast ready. I'm finding that I love doing things the way I grew up... I remember always having to wait in my parent's room Christmas morning while my dad went downstairs... he'd scout out if Santa came, turned on Christmas music and got a big fire going. Granted we don't have a fireplace, and our stockings were hung on the bannister, but I still love playing Christmas music while we open presents, and walking downstairs to a room filled with Santa droppings (SD's as my parents called them). There'd be candy hidden all over the room... granted it's not as fun when you have to put it out yourself, but still a tradition I want to continue with.

Luckily my boys were up a bit after 7, and since Caleb wasn't old enough to 'anticipate' Christmas yet, we were able to eat breakfast before opening presents. Stockings are always opened first, and someone must love me because I got a beautiful pair of earrings not to mention gift cards, and tons of Bath & Body works loot. Caleb had a 3 foot foam sword hanging out of his stocking... once he saw that Christmas could've been over. He excitedly opened his first few gifts though. Our big gift to him was a Bounce & Spin Zebra (which we stupidly didn't assemble first. A massive fit ensued as we tried to screw it together for him while realizing we didn't even get the AAA batteries he'd need for it--live & learn). I also got a new camera which I'm so excited about!

We had to keep movin' because Caleb needed a bath & nap before scooting down to Brian's parent's house for lunch & gifts with the whole family. We had a lovely time, and Caleb held it together on 1 hour of naps instead of his usual 3. We came home and finally attempted to eat my botched roast that I'd made the day before. Though it was a disappointment, it did it's job and filled our tummys. We then spent the evening playing with our new toys and dancing to the new Casting Crowns cd (which I recommend everyone get)!

All in all, it was a perfect day. I'm so grateful to have grown up in a family, and also married into a family, that celebrates Christ's birth. On New Years Eve we'll be driving up to see my side of the family for about a week. It's like a never ending Christmas! All that's missing is some snow.

My dilemma....

There was a 5 week old infant sitting in front of me in church this morning. He was bald, dressed in blue, and spent the entire service cooing at his parents and smiling at me. I couldn't help from turning to Brian and saying, "I want another one". This was only one instance of many in the past few weeks. Which is where my dilemma comes into play...

We've put a lot of thought into the "when will we expand on our family" argument. There are pros & cons any which way you decide to space your children apart. We've decided that what seems best for our family is to wait until Caleb is closer to 3 before having another. He's 15 months now... even without doing the math, it seems like an eternity. There are plenty of times that I'm aware of how much easier life is with one child. There are others where I just can't wait until my little boy has a younger brother or sister. A lot of my friends are currently either pregnant, or have a newborn... both of which give me strange butterflies in my stomach. As uncomfortable and painful as my pregnancy was, I miss it so much. I now miss the times he kicked me so hard I thought his foot was going to pop out through my ribs. I miss the heartburn that kept me from getting more than 3 hours of sleep a night, and the afternoon/evening sickness that kept my body from consuming anything but plums and Captain Crunch Berries. Strangly enough, I keep looking at my favorite maternity wear sites to keep up on their current lines of clothes. I loved pregnancy clothes. Heck I still sleep in them sometimes :-)

Why wait then, you ask? Though the next time around could be completely different, my motto is always 'plan for the worst, & hope for the best'. If I was as sick as I was last time for 4 months, I don't feel like I'd be able to be the best that I could be for Caleb. I still see him learning and growing daily, and I don't want to miss any of it. I don't want to be too sick to give him all my attention when he still needs it so much, nor do I want to be stuck on a couch constantly feeding a newborn while he's still so young.

So, today my 'baby bug' has just been coming on extra strong, and I thought writing about it might help to lessen my ache for a newborn. Next winter, I'll probably be pregnant again-- laughing at how silly this sounds in retrospect. And for now, I'll try to focus on being content with my wonderfully blessed life.

5 days old:

15 months old:

...I wish these days hadn't gone by so fast.